For a while, I did apply for faculty positions. The idea of becoming a professor sounded exciting: doing research, building a long-term academic career, and having a job that seemed stable and meaningful.
Recently, however, I realized that this was not really the path I wanted. There is no such thing as a truly “forever” or permanent position, and chasing that image can become an illusion. If the main reason for pursuing a faculty job is simply “I like doing research,” that is not enough.
Research is only one part of being a faculty member. A faculty job also requires teaching, mentoring, administration, grant writing, service, and many kinds of communication. When I reflected honestly on myself, I realized that teaching is not the work I want to center my life around. In interviews, I said that I loved teaching. I do not think I was lying; rather, I had not yet understood myself clearly enough. Sometimes people say what they think they should say before they fully recognize what is true for them.
I also know my own weaknesses. I am still not as strong a "writer" as I would like to be - My teachers have complained about my handwriting ever since I started school, and since getting my PhD, it has only gotten worse—to the point where even I can barely read it, let alone anyone else. I am very grateful the existence of slides so that I can write on computers. Also, I have had difficult experiences as a teaching assistant before - I was fired by UoM before although I was later appointed again. Those experiences made me think carefully about whether this career really fits me.
So I have decided to stop pursuing faculty positions. I do not want people to assume that having a PhD means I should automatically become a professor. First, I may not be suited for that path. Second, I do not want teaching to be the core of my career. Third, research is not some high-status activity that only happens inside universities. Anyone can do meaningful research, with or without a PhD, and research can happen in many places.
This is not a rejection of academia or of people who choose faculty careers. I respect that path. It is simply not the right path for me anymore.